St. Patrick’s Day

I want to keep a log of how I’m feeling about my mom’s battle with leukemia. I’m going to do it on here because it’s much less public than facebook or myspace, and I’ve only got a couple of followers on here anyway, and they’re close friends and family, so I feel pretty comfortable sharing.

Mom is having her fourth full dose treatment of campath today. I’ve been thinking about her since the second I woke up. Her treatments are being transferred to Battle Creek today which is great news because for the last 2 weeks, she’s been having to drive with dad to Ann Arbor for her treatment every other day. Before her third treatment she had bloodwork done, and her white count shot up to 288 thousand. This means that her white blood cells are crowding out her platelets and hemoglobin. Although the doctor said that as of the time that the blood work was done, she had only had 2 full dose treatments and they didn’t expect that the count would significantly drop until 4 or 5 treatments, it was still a little disheartening to hear that it hasn’t kicked in yet. She’s been getting winded and quickly becomes tired. There have even been a couple times when I’ve called to talk that she’s been too winded or exhausted to talk. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and also for the rest of my family. At moments, like when I found out that her disease got to the point where she needed to start chemo, I’ve been so depressed and scared that I’ve literally been physically sick for days. Other times, like when I visited her in Ann Arbor during her first campath treatment, I was amazed at how advanced the University of Michigan was in their facilities, and so relieved to know that she was in the hands of some of the best and brightest leukemia doctors in the world. Even though I know that what mom has is nothing to be taken lightly, I know that I have to put all of my faith into the fact that these people know what their doing. The scary part is that there’s not a damn thing I can do to make this go away for her. All I can do is be supportive and ask for support in return. I can’t pretend that this isn’t effecting my life EVERY single day. Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Today was the day I realized how much I really liked Patrick. We didn’t start dating until April 1st, but I knew that I wanted to be his girlfriend (even though I kept saying no…doh!) Today is supposed to be a celebration for us as a couple…and it just won’t quite be as merry this year as I’m drinking a green beer and thinking about my mom who’s having an injection of chemo right then. I know that this is going to be a struggle. I know that there is a long road ahead. That’s all I know for sure. “I’m pullin’ for ya…we’re all in this together.”-Red Green